After losing my father while serving at sea, I discovered how overwhelming grief and end-of-life decisions can be. Memorial Merits was born to give families clarity, comfort, and trusted resources when they need them most.
I wanted to share something very personal with you, and the reason Memorial Merits came to be.
I live here in Virginia, as a service member in the U.S. Navy. Before going out to sea in 2019, my father, Monte, just had a triple bypass surgery done. He woke from the surgery, said he didn’t feel well, but the doctors said he was recovering just fine.
As we started floating away from port, I was able to get once last video call with him before losing signal. I hadn’t seen him in a couple years, but we spoke almost every day over the phone. I had promised him, I’d come to see him on his birthday in a few months… The I told him “I love you” and hung up the phone.
Memorial Merits started with a phone call I did not know was the last one. My father, Monte, had a triple bypass in 2019, and I was at sea on a ship with more than 3,000 sailors when he passed. There was no privacy and nowhere to put any of it.
- What was missing: Anywhere honest to find what things cost, what a family is allowed to refuse, or who was worth trusting. Every search ended at a sales page.
- What it became: A ten page blog turned into an ecosystem of more than 300 pages, and partnerships with vetted, affordable providers across the grief and end-of-life space.
- The standard it is built on: Sanctuary, not sales floor. Nobody pays to be listed here, and every partner price is published with what it renews at.
- Why the free things are free: The tools, the calculators and the downloads cost nothing, because the moment a family needs them is the worst possible moment to be sold to.
- Monte Clair Killian: April 9, 1951 to January 18, 2019. This exists because of him.
I didn’t know that would be the last words I would ever get to say to him…
Long story short, he aspirated while I was out at sea and passed away. Finding out was one of the worst days of my life, and hurts still to do this day.
Due to operational commitment, I was not allowed to get flown off the ship, and had to wait until we pulled back into port. I was alone, with no privacy, no familiar comfort, and a ship full of 3,000+ sailors, with no place to process all the pain I was feeling for days on end. Work had to get done and that’s part of the job. When we pulled in, I immediately took the first flight I could to Spokane, met with family, and buried my father.
I learned very quickly how difficult decision making was, much less caring about work, planning, etc. when dealing with immense grief. Everything felt rushed… I felt the weight of what forever meant.. the decisions made were out of guilt… prices were outrageous… and understanding the legalities and options were confusing.
That’s Why I Created Memorial Merits.
A hub where not only you can find answers, plan ahead, and gain valuable insight, but also a place where you aren’t guilted in spending more, equating cost with love. I wanted to create a space with all the answers, best prices and resources to help you through all stages of the end-of-life process, from legacy & estate planning, funeral arrangements, to the grief experienced after it’s all over.
As Memorial Merits, which started as a simple blog and few partnerships, grew, I began to experience time and time again those I love the most experiencing loss, and having to navigate through the all the hardships, unclear information and over-priced options, while also dealing with, or setting aside, their own deepest grief. In the midst of these challenges, I discovered the emotional benefits of legacy journaling. This practice not only allows individuals to process their grief but also serves as a meaningful way to preserve memories and connect with loved ones who have passed. By putting pen to paper, families can create a heartfelt tribute that honors the lives of those they cherish most.
But Memorial Merits Was Just the Start
What went from a 10-page blog, over time turned into an entire eco-system, with over 300 pages, and partnerships with some of the best, most affordable, and highest quality products and services available. Even our Legacy Journal. Should Tomorrow Never Come was built from it’s own story of loss and the need to protect those I love, while being able to share words, that otherwise may never be said. But that is a story for another time. In addition to the Legacy Journal, we provide family legacy journal questions that help guide individuals in documenting their unique stories and values. These prompts encourage reflection and conversation among family members, fostering deeper connections and understanding of each other’s experiences. By engaging with these questions, families create a meaningful repository of shared memories and lessons to pass down through generations.
What came from loss, the foundation of something great was built to help others…
Thanks for listening to my story and how Memorial Merits came to be.
Warmest Regards,
Gabriel A. Killian
Founder, Memorial Merits
Honoring Life and Legacy
PS. Please, should you feel the need, share in the comments your own story or experience with loss. Also feel free to create your own digital memorial or obituary with our free online obituary & memorial submission. It’s your space for memorialization, remembrance & expressing heartfelt grief, and always free. Each and every day I still miss my father, but I feel he would be proud of what was left behind, this too, is part of his legacy. As we navigate the journey of nostalgia and remembrance, legacy journaling prompts for seniors can provide a meaningful way to reflect on cherished memories. These prompts encourage storytelling, allowing individuals to preserve their life experiences for future generations. Sharing these reflections not only honors their legacy but also fosters connection and understanding within families and communities.
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