Grief is one of the most universal human experiences, yet it remains profoundly personal and often misunderstood. After losing my father while serving in the U.S. Navy, I discovered firsthand how isolating grief can feel, especially when you’re searching for practical guidance in an industry that too often prioritizes profit over compassion. That experience became the foundation for Memorial Merits: a commitment to providing honest, compassionate support for families navigating loss.

Understanding the Stages of Grief:

If you’re reading this, you or someone you love is likely experiencing grief. What I’ve learned through personal experience and years of helping families is that understanding grief isn’t about following a prescribed path or timeline. It’s about recognizing what you’re feeling, giving yourself permission to grieve in your own way, and finding support that genuinely helps.

Understanding Modern Grief Research

For decades, the “five stages of grief” model dominated our understanding of loss. Developed by psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross in 1969, this framework – denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance – was originally based on her work with terminally ill patients, not bereaved individuals. While these stages can offer a helpful vocabulary for some emotions, modern grief research reveals a far more complex reality.

Grief isn’t a linear process with clear stages. You might experience multiple emotions simultaneously, cycle back through feelings you thought you’d moved past, or never experience certain emotions at all. Contemporary grief researchers emphasize that grief is as unique as the relationship you shared with the person you lost.

Types of Grief You Might Experience

Anticipatory Grief occurs before a loss happens, often when someone you love has a terminal diagnosis. You may grieve the future you won’t have together while simultaneously caring for them in the present. Learn more about anticipatory grief.

Complicated Grief (also called prolonged grief disorder) involves intense grief symptoms that don’t ease with time. If you find yourself unable to accept the death, consumed by thoughts of your loved one, or unable to resume daily activities months after the loss, you might be experiencing complicated grief that would benefit from professional support.

Disenfranchised Grief happens when your loss isn’t acknowledged or validated by others. This might include losing an ex-spouse, a pet, a pregnancy, or someone with whom you had a complicated relationship. The pain is real even if others don’t recognize it.

Ambiguous Loss occurs when there’s no closure, such as when someone goes missing or has a condition like dementia where they’re physically present but psychologically absent.

Understanding these different types can help you recognize that what you’re experiencing is valid, even if it doesn’t match what others expect grief to look like. Organizations like the American Psychological Association offer research-based articles and recommendations that can help guide you through this challenging time, providing both context and comfort as you work through your loss.

What Grief Actually Feels Like

Grief affects your entire being, not just your emotions. You might experience:

Physical symptoms including exhaustion, changes in appetite, difficulty sleeping, headaches, or feeling physically heavy. Your immune system may be weakened, making you more susceptible to illness.

Cognitive effects like difficulty concentrating, forgetfulness, confusion, or feeling like you’re in a fog. Many people describe feeling like they’re just going through the motions.

Emotional waves that can include sadness, anger, guilt, anxiety, loneliness, or even relief (particularly after a long illness). You might also feel nothing at all, which is equally normal.

Behavioral changes such as withdrawing from social activities, crying unexpectedly, avoiding reminders of your loss, or conversely, seeking out connections to the person who died.

All of these responses are normal parts of grief. Your body and mind are processing an enormous change.

Practical Ways to Navigate Grief

While there’s no “right” way to grieve, certain approaches can help you cope with intense emotions:

Create a grief ritual. This might be lighting a candle each morning, visiting a meaningful place, or setting aside time to look through photos. Rituals provide structure and a dedicated space for your grief.

Move your body. Grief gets stored physically. Walking, yoga, or any gentle movement helps process emotions lodged in your body. You don’t need to exercise intensely – just move in whatever way feels manageable.

Express your grief. Whether through journaling, talking with trusted friends, creating art, or using resources like our Solace AI grief support (aff) tool, finding ways to externalize your feelings prevents them from becoming overwhelming.

Honor the continuing bond. Modern grief research emphasizes that maintaining a connection to the deceased is healthy. Talk about them, share memories, continue traditions they loved, or find ways to carry forward their values and lessons.

Accept help. Many people struggle to ask for support, but practical help with meals, childcare, or household tasks genuinely matters. Let people show up for you.

Be patient with yourself. Grief takes longer than most people expect. The intense acute grief may last weeks or months, but waves of grief can continue for years, especially around anniversaries, holidays, or significant milestones.

Common Grief Myths to Ignore

Myth: Grief has a timeline. There’s no “normal” timeline for grief. Don’t let anyone tell you that you should be “over it” by now.

Myth: Staying busy helps you avoid painful feelings. While distraction has its place, constantly avoiding grief only postpones the processing you’ll eventually need to do.

Myth: Grief is only about sadness. Grief encompasses anger, guilt, relief, confusion, and many other emotions. All are valid.

Myth: You need to be strong for others. Showing emotion isn’t weakness. It’s honesty. Your family members are also grieving and may find comfort in sharing feelings together.

Myth: Time heals all wounds. Time doesn’t heal, but what you do with that time can. Active coping, support, and allowing yourself to grieve are what facilitate healing.

When to Seek Professional Help

While grief is a natural process, sometimes professional support becomes necessary. Consider reaching out to a grief counselor if you:

• Have thoughts of suicide or that life isn’t worth living
• Are unable to perform basic daily tasks months after the loss
• Are using alcohol or drugs to numb the pain
• Feel stuck in intense grief with no improvement over time
• Experience panic attacks or severe anxiety
• Notice your physical health deteriorating
• Feel completely isolated and unable to connect with others

Finding a grief counselor who specializes in bereavement can make an enormous difference. Look for therapists trained in grief-specific modalities like complicated grief treatment, EMDR, or narrative therapy. Your primary care doctor, hospice organizations, or psychology directories can provide referrals.

Finding Your Path Forward

Grief doesn’t end, but it does change. With time and support, the intense pain softens. You learn to carry your loss differently. You discover that you can honor your loved one’s memory while also rebuilding a meaningful life.

There’s no single roadmap for this journey, but you don’t have to navigate it alone. Whether you find support through counseling, grief groups, trusted friends, online communities like those we’ve built at Memorial Merits, or a combination of all these, reaching out is a sign of strength, not weakness.

Your grief is as unique as your love. Honor it, be patient with yourself, and remember that healing doesn’t mean forgetting. It means learning to live with loss while still embracing the life you have.

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Author: Gabriel Killian

Founder, Memorial Merits U.S. Navy Service Member Gabriel created Memorial Merits after experiencing funeral industry complexities & exploitation firsthand when his father passed away unexpectedly in 2019. His mission: protect families from predatory practices and provide clear guidance during impossible times. [Read Full Story →] EXPERTISE: • Personal experience with loss • Funeral planning (multiple times) • AI grief support development • Published author (legacy planning)