Writing an obituary is one of the most important tasks you’ll face after losing a loved one. It’s an opportunity to reflect on their life, celebrate their achievements, and share their legacy with the world. However, the process can be overwhelming, especially when you’re dealing with grief. This guide will walk you through the top 10 tips for writing an obituary that truly reflects a life well-lived, ensuring that your loved one’s story is told with the care and respect it deserves.
1. Start with the Basics
The foundation of any obituary is the essential details about the deceased. This includes their full name, age, date of birth, date of death, and place of residence. Starting with these basics provides a clear and concise introduction to the obituary and sets the stage for the more personal elements that follow.
Example: John Michael Doe, 76, of Springfield, passed away peacefully on August 4, 2024, surrounded by his loving family.
2. Highlight Major Life Events
An obituary should offer a snapshot of the deceased’s life, highlighting major milestones such as education, career, marriage, and other significant achievements. This helps to paint a fuller picture of their life and allows readers to understand the key moments that defined them. Writing an obituary may seem a daunting task, but not to fret. Taking a little time to reflect on their major life events can really help
Example: John was born on January 15, 1948, in Springfield. He graduated from Springfield High School and went on to earn a degree in engineering from the University of Illinois. John married his high school sweetheart, Mary, in 1970, and together they raised three children.
3. Celebrate Their Passions and Interests
One of the most powerful ways to personalize an obituary is by including details about the deceased’s passions, hobbies, and interests. Whether they were an avid gardener, a dedicated volunteer, or a lover of the arts, these details help to bring the person to life on the page and show what made them unique.
Example: John had a lifelong passion for gardening, spending countless hours tending to his backyard oasis. His love for the outdoors was matched only by his dedication to his community, where he volunteered at the local food bank for over 20 years.
4. Mention Family Members
Including the names of family members is a traditional and meaningful part of an obituary. This typically includes immediate family members such as parents, siblings, spouse, children, and grandchildren. Mentioning family members not only honors those closest to the deceased but also acknowledges the family left behind.
Example: John is survived by his wife, Mary; his children, Lisa (Mark) Johnson, David (Sarah) Doe, and Kevin (Emily) Doe; his grandchildren, Emma, Olivia, and Jackson; and his sister, Susan (Tom) Green.
Free Obituary Submission
Looking for a place to submit your obituary free? Visit our Free Obituaries to submit your obituary (aff) or digital memorial. Our no-cost service offers a full spectrum of options and customizations. Additionally, sending flowers and planting a tree in a loved ones name is provided directly from their obituary page.
5. Share Their Legacy
An obituary is an opportunity to highlight the impact the deceased had on others and the legacy they leave behind. This could include their contributions to their community, the lives they touched, or the lessons they imparted. Sharing their legacy helps to ensure that their memory lives on in the hearts and minds of those who knew them.
Example: John’s kindness and generosity knew no bounds. He was known for his willingness to help anyone in need, whether it was a neighbor down the street or a stranger in the grocery store. His legacy of compassion and service will continue to inspire all who knew him.
6. Add a Personal Touch
To make the obituary truly reflective of the deceased’s personality, consider adding a personal touch. This could be a favorite quote, a cherished memory, or even a humorous anecdote that captures their spirit. These personal touches help to create a more intimate and heartfelt tribute. This is extremely important when writing an obituary.
Example: One of John’s favorite sayings was, “Leave the world a little better than you found it.” He lived by these words every day, always looking for ways to make a positive difference in the lives of others.
7. Writing an Obituary – Consider the Tone
The tone of an obituary should reflect the personality of the deceased and the wishes of the family. While some obituaries are formal and traditional, others may be more lighthearted or even humorous. Consider what tone best represents the deceased and use it consistently throughout the obituary.
Example: John’s friends and family will remember him for his quick wit, his infectious laugh, and his ability to find joy in the simplest of moments.
8. Include Service Information
If there will be a memorial service or funeral, it’s important to include the details in the obituary. This should include the date, time, and location of the service, as well as any special requests, such as donations to a charity in lieu of flowers.
Example: A memorial service will be held on August 10, 2024, at 2:00 PM at Springfield Community Church. In lieu of flowers, the family requests that donations be made to the Springfield Food Bank in John’s honor.
9. Proofread Carefully
An obituary is a lasting tribute to a loved one, so it’s important to ensure that it is free of errors. Take the time to proofread the obituary carefully, checking for spelling, grammar, and factual accuracy. It may also be helpful to have a trusted friend or family member review it as well.
Example: Before submitting the obituary to the newspaper or online, double-check all names, dates, and details to ensure they are correct.
10. Consider a Digital Memorial
In today’s digital age, many families are choosing to create online memorials in addition to traditional obituaries. A digital memorial allows for more flexibility in sharing photos, stories, and memories, and can be easily shared with friends and family around the world.
Example: The family has also created a digital memorial for John, where friends and loved ones can share their memories and photos. Visit the memorial page to leave a tribute, share photos, and celebrate their life with others who knew them.
Where to Publish an Obituary (And What It Costs)
Once you’ve written the obituary, you need to decide where to publish it. This decision often comes with sticker shock.
Newspaper obituaries are expensive. Most newspapers charge by the word or by the line, and costs add up fast. A modest 200-word obituary can cost $200 to $400 in a mid-sized city paper. Longer obituaries with photos in major metropolitan papers can run $500 to $1,000 or more. Sunday editions typically cost extra. If your loved one lived in multiple cities and you want to publish in each local paper, multiply those costs.
Funeral home websites often include a basic obituary posting as part of their services. This reaches people searching for information about the service but has limited visibility beyond that.
Legacy.com partners with many newspapers and funeral homes. Obituaries often appear there automatically when published elsewhere, but you can also create listings directly. Some features are free; others require payment.
Free online memorial sites offer an alternative that costs nothing and provides more flexibility than print. Platforms like EverLoved and ForeverMissed let you create full memorial pages with photos, stories, and a guestbook where friends and family can share memories. These pages can be shared instantly via email and social media, reaching people who might never see a local newspaper.
For most families, a combination works best: a brief paid notice in the local paper for older community members who still read print, plus a full online memorial with the complete obituary, photos, and space for tributes.
When Is the Obituary Needed?
Obituaries operate on tight deadlines, and understanding the timeline helps manage the pressure.
For newspaper publication: Most newspapers require obituary submissions 2 to 3 days before the desired print date. If you want the obituary to appear before the funeral or memorial service, work backward from that date. Sunday editions often have earlier deadlines, sometimes by Thursday.
For the funeral program: The funeral home will need the obituary text before they can print service programs. This typically means having a final draft 24 to 48 hours before the service, though some funeral homes can work faster in a pinch.
For online memorials: No deadline. You can publish immediately or take your time. Many families post a brief notice right away with service information, then update the page later with a fuller tribute once the immediate chaos settles.
The practical reality: You’re usually writing an obituary within 1 to 3 days of the death, while also making funeral arrangements, notifying family, and handling dozens of other urgent tasks. It’s one of the most emotionally difficult writing assignments you’ll ever face, done under the worst possible conditions.
Give yourself grace. A simple, heartfelt obituary written in an hour honors your loved one just as much as an elaborate tribute you agonized over for days. The goal is to announce the death, share who they were, and let people know how to pay respects. You can always add more memories to an online memorial later.
Create a Free Memorial Page
If newspaper costs feel overwhelming or you simply want a more flexible way to share your loved one’s story, online memorials offer a practical alternative.
EverLoved provides free memorial pages where you can publish the full obituary, upload unlimited photos, and invite friends and family to share their own memories and condolences. The page becomes a permanent tribute that anyone can visit, long after a newspaper clipping gets recycled.
EverLoved also offers free crowdfunding for funeral expenses directly through the memorial page. If unexpected costs are adding stress to an already difficult time, this feature lets family and friends contribute without the awkwardness of asking. Many families are surprised by how willing loved ones are to help when given a simple, dignified way to do so.
ForeverMissed is another option worth considering. Their memorial pages include a timeline feature that lets you build a visual story of your loved one’s life, plus a candle-lighting feature where visitors can leave tributes. Both platforms are free to start, so you can explore which format feels right for honoring your person.
Frequently Asked Questions
There’s no required length. A simple obituary can be 100 to 200 words covering the basics: name, age, date of death, surviving family, and service information. A fuller tribute runs 300 to 500 words and includes life history, accomplishments, and personal details. Newspaper costs may influence length since most charge by the word or line. Online memorials have no length restrictions.
Usually a close family member, often the spouse, adult child, or sibling. Sometimes the task falls to whoever is most comfortable with writing or whoever has the bandwidth during a chaotic time. There’s no rule. Funeral directors can also help draft obituaries or provide templates if the family is struggling.
Yes, and many people do. Writing your own obituary ensures your life is described the way you want and removes the burden from grieving family members. Keep it with your estate documents or let a trusted family member know where to find it.
Cause of death is optional and many families choose to omit it, especially for sensitive circumstances. Family conflicts, estrangements, and anything the deceased would have considered private are typically left out. When in doubt, ask yourself whether your loved one would have wanted this detail shared publicly.
No. Obituaries are customary but not legally required. Some families choose private services with no public announcement. Others skip the newspaper entirely and notify people directly or through social media. Do what feels right for your family and your loved one.
Newspaper obituaries cannot be changed after publication. Online memorials can be updated anytime, which is one of their advantages. Many families add photos, stories, and memories over weeks or months as they process their grief and remember details they want to preserve.
Honoring a Life in Your Own Words
Writing an obituary is hard. You’re trying to capture an entire life in a few hundred words while managing grief, funeral logistics, and family dynamics. There’s pressure to get it right because this feels permanent.
But here’s the truth: there’s no perfect obituary. The best ones aren’t polished literary achievements. They’re honest reflections written by people who loved someone and wanted others to know why.
Focus on what made your person who they were. The details that made family laugh at the dinner table. The qualities strangers noticed. The legacy they’d want remembered.
That’s enough. That’s everything.
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Author: Gabriel Killian
Founder, Memorial Merits U.S. Navy Service Member Gabriel created Memorial Merits after experiencing funeral industry complexities & exploitation firsthand when his father passed away unexpectedly in 2019. His mission: protect families from predatory practices and provide clear guidance during impossible times. [Read Full Story →] EXPERTISE: • Personal experience with loss • Funeral planning (multiple times) • AI grief support development • Published author (legacy planning)
Author
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Founder, Memorial Merits
U.S. Navy Service MemberGabriel created Memorial Merits after experiencing funeral industry complexities and exploitation firsthand when his father passed away unexpectedly in 2019.
His mission: protect families from predatory practices and provide clear guidance during impossible times.EXPERTISE:
• Personal experience with loss
• Funeral planning (multiple times)
• AI grief support development
• Published author (legacy planning)
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