Military Family Survivor Benefits – It’s about Protecting Family
Updated December 13, 2025
When a service member dies, the impact on their loved ones is more than emotional — it’s logistical, legal, financial, and deeply personal. Despite an abundance of military resources, many families still find themselves lost in paperwork, myths, and silence. There’s no handbook handed out when you swear in that tells your spouse what to expect if the unthinkable happens. This is why its so important to talk about military family survivor benefits.
This guide — brought to you by Memorial Merits — is written for military families who need straight answers, compassionate clarity, and the truth about what happens when service ends in sacrifice.
Key Takeaways
- Military families face logistical and legal challenges after a service member’s death, often feeling overwhelmed by the benefits process.
- Key benefits include SGLI insurance, death gratuity, Dependency and Indemnity Compensation, and Survivor Benefit Plan, but claims must be filed promptly.
- A Casualty Assistance Officer helps families navigate benefits and arrangements, but experiences vary widely; families should advocate for themselves.
- Military families have legal protections, including education assistance and eviction protection, which continue after a service member’s death.
- Planning ahead by updating beneficiaries and creating a will can greatly ease the burden on families, ensuring they understand military family survivor benefits.
Table of contents
1. Understanding Military Death Benefits
Let’s start with the big one: money.
If a service member dies while on active duty, the following benefits may apply:
- SGLI (Servicemembers’ Group Life Insurance): Automatically covers up to $500,000. Payout is typically processed quickly — within 7–10 days — if the beneficiary is clear and paperwork is correct. You still have the option of getting supplemental life insurance like Everyday Life Insurance or go through a life insurance comparison & review site.
- Death Gratuity Payment: A one-time $100,000 tax-free payment. This is separate from SGLI.
- Dependency and Indemnity Compensation (DIC): A monthly VA benefit for surviving spouses or dependent children.
- Survivor Benefit Plan (SBP): If the service member elected this, it continues a portion of retirement pay to the spouse.
Common Mistake: Many families don’t realize that these benefits are not automatic — especially DIC and SBP. You must file claims promptly, and in the case of reservists or Guard members, eligibility can vary drastically. During these times, most start of with the VA as there primary go-to, and this is a wise choice.
2. Who Notifies the Family, and What Happens First?
When a service member passes away in active service, a Casualty Assistance Officer (CAO) is assigned. They are responsible for:
- Notifying the next of kin in person
- Explaining immediate entitlements
- Assisting with funeral arrangements and transportation
- Helping with benefit applications
Your CAO is supposed to stay involved throughout the process. However, families report wildly different experiences depending on location, branch, and availability. It’s vital to ask questions and advocate for yourself.
“I didn’t know we had to fill out anything for the death gratuity. I thought it just happened.” — Gold Star spouse testimonial
Getting Past The Confusion
“If you have ever been exposed to the military and how its ran, you likely understand how difficult comprehending all the ins and outs, the jargon and the verbiage, especially when dealing with a traumatic and painful situation such as a death. Knowing your options and your rights can make a huge difference in how things play out“
3. Military Funeral Honors: What You’re Entitled To
Federal law guarantees Military Funeral Honors at no cost, including:
- Folding and presentation of the flag
- Playing of Taps (live or recorded)
- Honor guard presence (minimum 2 personnel)
Families may also be eligible for:
- Free burial in a national cemetery
- Headstone or marker provided by the VA
- Reimbursement of certain funeral expenses
Hidden Tip: You don’t need to use a military funeral home — but the funeral director must request the honors from DoD.
4. Mental Health & Grief Resources Often Overlooked
The emotional toll is staggering. The VA and DoD offer grief counseling, but it’s underutilized:
- VA Bereavement Counseling: Available to parents, spouses, and children of service members who die in service.
- TAPS (Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors): A nonprofit providing grief support, retreats, and family events.
- Memorial Merits Counseling Directory: Connects you to grief therapists and text-based therapy services that specialize in military loss.
Important: Spouses can still receive TRICARE mental health coverage for up to 3 years after the service member’s death — but many never use it.
5. Legal Rights and Overlooked Protections
You may not realize that military families have legal protections that continue after death:
- Survivors’ and Dependents’ Educational Assistance (DEA): Pays for college or job training for spouses and children
- Legal assistance through JAG: Many bases allow surviving family members to use legal offices for finalizing wills, estate issues, and survivor claims
- Protection from eviction (SCRA continuation): Some benefits of the Servicemembers Civil Relief Act (SCRA) extend to surviving spouses
Understanding Military Family Survivor Benefits
“In a world that almost seems like a different language altogether, one of the best ways to keep your family safe is to have honest and open conversations about what to do should the worst happen. Additionally, as the servicemember, its vital to make sure you keep updated on your paperwork regarding survivor benefits, beneficiaries, and cover as many bases as you can”
6. The Hard Talk: Planning Ahead
No one wants to talk about it. But doing so could save your family months of chaos.
Service members should consider:
- Naming and updating their SGLI beneficiary every 6–12 months
- Having a will — with copies given to a trusted family member
- Writing a one-page “what to do if I’m gone” letter with logins, policy numbers, and preferences
- Talking to a grief-informed financial planner
Memorial Merits offers a free checklist for military end-of-life planning, plus digital memorial tools to make legacy preservation easier.
7. What Memorial Merits Offers for Military Families
Memorial Merits exists because we’ve lived this. We know what it’s like to be handed a pamphlet after a tragedy, and to feel like that’s all the help you’re going to get.
We’re building a space that offers:
- Military-specific end-of-life resources
- A digital memorial platform (free obituary submission (aff) & sharing)
- Guides to grief support, benefits, and financial preparation
- Honest product and service reviews (caskets, insurance, therapy, etc.)
7 Critical Steps Military Families Should Take Right Now
Don’t wait until deployment orders arrive or a crisis hits. These seven actions protect your family today:
1. Review and Update SGLI Beneficiaries (Every 6 Months)
Life changes fast — marriages, divorces, births, deaths. Your SGLI beneficiary designation from basic training might still list your parents or an ex-spouse. Log into milConnect and verify your current beneficiaries match your actual wishes. Many families discover outdated beneficiaries only after it’s too late to change them.
2. Create a “What to Do If I’m Gone” Letter
This isn’t a will — it’s a one-page instruction sheet your spouse can grab in the first 48 hours. Include: SGLI policy number, bank account logins, where your will is stored, who to call first (CAO contact if active duty), and your funeral preferences. Store copies with your spouse, a trusted family member, and in your unit’s personnel file.
3. Talk to Your Spouse About Money (The Uncomfortable Conversation)
Does your spouse know where the emergency fund is? How much you make? What bills auto-draft each month? Financial shock compounds grief. Spend 30 minutes walking through your finances together — checking accounts, savings, debts, recurring bills, and passwords. Update this conversation every 6-12 months.
4. Verify Your Survivor Benefit Plan (SBP) Election
If you’re close to retirement, confirm whether you’ve elected SBP coverage for your spouse. This decision is typically made at retirement, but understanding it early prevents last-minute confusion. SBP costs approximately 6.5% of your retirement pay but provides a lifetime monthly benefit to your surviving spouse — often the difference between financial stability and crisis.
5. Get a Will (Even If You’re Young and Healthy)
Military legal assistance offices provide free will preparation. No excuses. Without a will, state law decides who gets what – and it might not match your wishes, especially in blended families or with minor children. A will also designates guardianship for your children if both parents die. Schedule an appointment with JAG this month. If you don’t want to go through military legal assistance, there are plenty of affordable DIY Will & Trust Maker services available.
6. Know Where to Find Your Orders and DD-214
Your spouse will need these documents to access benefits. Keep copies in a fireproof safe or with a trusted family member. If you’re a veteran, your DD-214 is essential for VA benefits, burial honors, and survivor claims. Request a copy from National Archives if you don’t have one.
7. Connect Your Family with TAPS Now (Before a Crisis)
The Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors (TAPS) isn’t just for after a loss — they offer pre-loss education and family support. Attend a TAPS event, follow their resources, and let your spouse know they exist. When crisis hits, your family won’t have to search for help in the dark.
These seven steps take less than a weekend but provide a lifetime of protection. Your family’s financial and emotional security shouldn’t depend on luck or last-minute scrambling.
Frequently Asked Questions About Military Survivor Benefits
What’s the difference between SGLI and the Survivor Benefit Plan (SBP)?
SGLI (Servicemembers’ Group Life Insurance) is a one-time lump-sum payment of up to $500,000 that pays out when an active-duty service member dies. SBP (Survivor Benefit Plan) is an ongoing monthly payment that continues a portion of military retirement pay to a surviving spouse for their lifetime. SGLI is automatic for active duty; SBP is elected at retirement and costs about 6.5% of retirement pay. Many families need both — SGLI for immediate expenses, SBP for long-term financial stability.
How long does it take to receive SGLI death benefits?
SGLI typically pays out within 7-10 days if paperwork is submitted correctly and the beneficiary designation is clear. However, delays occur if beneficiaries are outdated, forms are incomplete, or there are disputes among family members. The $100,000 Death Gratuity payment usually processes even faster — often within 72 hours to one week — to help families cover immediate funeral expenses.
Do National Guard and Reserve members get the same survivor benefits as active duty?
It depends on their status at the time of death. If a Guard or Reserve member dies while on active duty orders (including training), they receive full active-duty benefits including SGLI and Death Gratuity. If they die while in inactive status, they may only have SGLI coverage if they elected to maintain it. Reserve members should verify their SGLI coverage status and understand what benefits apply in different duty statuses — this is a common gap families discover too late.
Can a surviving spouse remarry and still keep military benefits?
For most benefits, remarriage before age 55 ends eligibility. Specifically: DIC (Dependency and Indemnity Compensation) ends upon remarriage before age 57. SBP payments stop if the surviving spouse remarries before age 55. However, if the second marriage ends (divorce or death), the surviving spouse can often have benefits reinstated. TRICARE coverage ends upon remarriage regardless of age. These rules are complex and have changed over time, so surviving spouses should consult with a VA benefits counselor before remarrying.
What happens if I never updated my SGLI beneficiary after my divorce?
The money goes to whoever is listed on your most recent SGLI designation — even if that’s your ex-spouse. SGLI beneficiary forms are legal contracts that override wills, verbal wishes, and state law. If you listed your ex-spouse 10 years ago and never updated the form, they receive the $500,000 payout even if you remarried and had children with someone else. This is one of the most devastating mistakes military families make. Update your SGLI beneficiaries immediately after any major life change — marriage, divorce, birth, or death in the family.
Are SGLI death benefits taxable?
No. SGLI death benefits, the $100,000 Death Gratuity payment, and DIC monthly payments are all tax-free. However, if those funds are invested and earn interest or dividends, the investment earnings are taxable. Additionally, if a surviving spouse receives SBP payments, a portion may be taxable depending on the circumstances. Families should consult with a tax professional or military financial counselor to understand the tax implications of their specific benefits.
How long can children receive DIC or educational benefits?
DIC for children typically continues until age 18, or age 23 if the child is enrolled full-time in school. Children with permanent disabilities may receive DIC for life. For educational benefits under the Survivors’ and Dependents’ Educational Assistance (DEA) program, eligible children can receive up to 45 months of education benefits and must use them before age 26. The Post-9/11 GI Bill can also transfer to dependents if the service member elected that option before death — with no age restriction if transferred before death.
What if my service member died by suicide — do benefits still apply?
Yes. All military survivor benefits — SGLI, Death Gratuity, DIC, SBP, and burial honors — apply regardless of cause of death, including suicide. There is no exclusion for suicide in any military death benefit program. Families should never avoid filing claims due to shame or fear of denial. Additionally, TAPS (Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors) provides specialized support for families who lose a service member to suicide, including peer-to-peer grief support and advocacy for navigating benefits. If you’re struggling, reach out to TAPS or the VA — you are not alone, and you are entitled to every benefit.
Conclusion: Honor, Protection, and Preparedness
If you’re part of a military family, you’re already sacrificing more than most people realize. Don’t let confusion around benefits or legacy planning compound the pain of a loss.
This guide is not just about preparing for the worst – it’s about protecting your loved ones, honoring their service, and living with peace of mind.
Explore more free tools, download our guides, or get grief support today at MemorialMerits.com
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Author: Gabriel Killian
Founder, Memorial Merits U.S. Navy Service Member Gabriel created Memorial Merits after experiencing funeral industry complexities & exploitation firsthand when his father passed away unexpectedly in 2019. His mission: protect families from predatory practices and provide clear guidance during impossible times. [Read Full Story →] EXPERTISE: • Personal experience with loss • Funeral planning (multiple times) • AI grief support development • Published author (legacy planning)
Author
-
Founder, Memorial Merits
U.S. Navy Service MemberGabriel created Memorial Merits after experiencing funeral industry complexities and exploitation firsthand when his father passed away unexpectedly in 2019.
His mission: protect families from predatory practices and provide clear guidance during impossible times.EXPERTISE:
• Personal experience with loss
• Funeral planning (multiple times)
• AI grief support development
• Published author (legacy planning)
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