The holiday season, while a time for joy and reunions, can cast a shadow of sorrow for those mourning the loss of loved ones. This is when holiday grief support is crucial. This article explores effective strategies to manage grief during these emotionally charged times, offering support and guidance to navigate through the festivities with a heavy heart.
Last Updated: 11/27/2025
Table of contents
- Understanding the Impact of Holidays on Grief
- Watch: Managing Holiday Grief: Practical Strategies for the Hardest Season (3 Minute Video)
- Practical Tips for Handling Grief
- Surviving Specific Holiday Challenges: What to Do When
- The “Grief Burst” Phenomenon: When Emotions Ambush You
- Creating Meaningful Rituals That Actually Help
- Resources and Further Readin g
- Frequently Asked Questions About Managing Grief During Holidays
Understanding the Impact of Holidays on Grief
The holidays often magnify feelings of loss, as they emphasize togetherness and traditions that may underscore the absence of a loved one. Acknowledging that holidays might be difficult is a crucial first step. Accepting that grief can resurface, especially during these times, helps individuals prepare mentally and emotionally for the season.
Watch: Managing Holiday Grief: Practical Strategies for the Hardest Season (3 Minute Video)
The holidays while grieving can feel unbearable. Before diving into strategies, watch this compassionate guide that addresses the reality of holiday grief and offers practical ways to survive the season with your heart intact.
Establishing New Traditions
One way to cope with grief during holidays is to create new traditions that honor the memory of the deceased. Whether it’s lighting a special candle, visiting their resting place with flowers, or preparing their favorite dish, these acts can serve as a comforting reminder of their presence in spirit.
Seeking Supportive Environments
Engaging with support groups or counseling sessions during the holiday season can provide solace and understanding. Many community centers and online platforms offer themed sessions for those dealing with loss, providing a space to share feelings and coping strategies.
Setting Boundaries with Family and Friends
It’s important to communicate your needs clearly with family and friends. If certain gatherings or traditions are too painful, it’s okay to decline or suggest alternatives that feel more comfortable. Protecting your emotional space is essential to managing grief during these times.
“Managing holiday grief can be difficult, especially when the memories come flooding in. Employing a number of grief coping mechanisms may significantly create a better holiday experience after losing a loved one.”
Practical Tips for Handling Grief
- Plan Ahead: Knowing what to expect and having a plan can reduce anxiety. Decide which traditions to keep, alter, or avoid.
- Volunteer: Giving time to charity or community service can be a meaningful way to honor a loved one while easing your grief.
- Express Yourself: Whether through writing, art, or music, expressing your grief can be therapeutic.
- Allow Yourself to Feel Joy: Sometimes, there’s guilt associated with feeling happy during times of mourning. It’s healthy and normal to experience moments of joy amidst grief.
Surviving Specific Holiday Challenges: What to Do When
The first holiday without someone you love feels impossibly hard, but knowing what to expect and having specific strategies for different moments helps you get through them. Here’s how to handle the toughest holiday situations:
Empty chair at dinner: Some families set a place for their loved one with their photo, a candle, or their favorite dish as an acknowledgment. Others find this too painful and prefer to rearrange seating entirely to avoid the visual gap. There’s no wrong choice. What matters is that the family discusses it beforehand so no one is caught off guard. Consider a brief moment of remembrance at the beginning of the meal where people can share a favorite memory, then consciously shift focus to being present with those who are there.
Holiday shopping triggers: Wandering past stores where you bought gifts for them, or realizing you don’t need to shop for them anymore, hits unexpectedly hard. Give yourself permission to shop online this year if stores feel overwhelming. Many people find meaning in buying a gift their loved one would have loved and donating it to charity in their name. Toys for Tots, homeless shelters, or nursing homes welcome donations, turning your grief into tangible help for others.
Social media overwhelm: Seeing everyone else’s “perfect” holiday photos while you’re struggling can intensify feelings of isolation. It’s completely okay to take a social media break from Thanksgiving through New Year’s. Use apps that temporarily block platforms, or simply delete apps from your phone for a few weeks. If you do stay online, unfollow or mute accounts that trigger difficult feelings. Your mental health matters more than keeping up with posts.
Managing children’s expectations: Kids grieving a parent, grandparent, or sibling need honesty balanced with reassurance that holidays can still have moments of joy. Involve children in creating new traditions that honor the person (making their favorite cookies, looking at photos together, writing letters to them). Let kids see you cry, but also let them see you laugh. Children need permission to feel the full range of emotions, and your modeling teaches them that grief and joy can coexist.
The “Grief Burst” Phenomenon: When Emotions Ambush You
Grief bursts (sometimes called grief attacks) are sudden, intense waves of emotion that hit without warning, often triggered by seemingly small things during the holidays. Understanding this phenomenon helps you recognize you’re not “going backwards” in grief when they happen.
Common holiday grief burst triggers include: hearing their favorite Christmas song in a store, smelling a scent associated with them (their perfume, cigarette smoke, their cooking), seeing their handwriting on old cards, catching a glimpse of someone who looks like them in a crowd, or reaching for your phone to call them before remembering they’re gone.
What a grief burst feels like: Your chest tightens, tears come instantly, you might feel dizzy or need to sit down. Some people describe it as being hit by a wave or feeling like the loss just happened yesterday. These episodes typically last 5-20 minutes at full intensity, though you might feel emotionally drained for hours afterward.
How to handle them in the moment: If possible, step away to somewhere private (your car, a bathroom, outside). Don’t fight the emotion, trying to suppress it usually makes it worse and last longer. Take slow, deep breaths. Place your hand on your heart. Some people find it helps to say out loud: “I miss you so much” or “This is so hard” rather than trying to hold it in. If you’re with safe people, letting them witness your grief can actually be healing. Many report that after a good cry triggered by a grief burst, they feel somewhat lighter, as if pressure was released.
Preparing for grief bursts during holidays: Identify your potential triggers ahead of time and decide whether to avoid them or face them intentionally. Carry a small comfort object (their jewelry, a stone from their favorite beach, a photo). Tell trusted family or friends: “I might need to step away suddenly, and that’s okay.” Having permission to leave situations without explanation reduces anxiety about managing others’ reactions to your grief.
According to research from the National Institutes of Health (https://www.nih.gov/news-events/nih-research-matters), these sudden grief episodes are a normal part of the grieving process and don’t indicate a setback in healing. They often become less frequent and intense over time, but may always occur occasionally, especially around significant dates and holidays.
Creating Meaningful Rituals That Actually Help
Generic advice about “honoring their memory” doesn’t always translate into actions that genuinely bring comfort. Here are specific rituals that grieving families report as truly helpful, not just performative:
The memory ornament tradition: Each year, add a new ornament to your tree that represents something about them or a memory from that year. Over time, your tree becomes a visual story of how you’ve carried them forward. Some families invite guests to bring ornaments representing their memories of the person, creating a collective remembrance.
The gratitude adaptation: Traditional gratitude sharing at Thanksgiving can feel hollow when you’re grieving. Try this instead: “Name something you’re grateful you experienced with [name]” or “Share a quality they had that you’re grateful to have learned from them.” This acknowledges both loss and love simultaneously.
The “doing what they loved” memorial: Instead of visiting a grave or looking at photos, spend the day doing something they loved. If they adored Christmas lights, drive to see elaborate displays. If they loved baking, make their recipes. If they were passionate about helping others, volunteer at their favorite charity. Active remembrance often feels more meaningful than passive mourning.
The letter-writing ritual: On Christmas Eve or New Year’s Eve, family members write letters to the person who died, then read them aloud or keep them private. Some families burn the letters, release them tied to biodegradable balloons (where legal), or save them in a memory box. This gives everyone a designated time and space to express what they’re feeling.
The “empty stocking” reimagined: Instead of a painful empty stocking, some families fill a stocking with notes about things they wish they could tell the person, or kindness cards that commit to doing acts of service in their name throughout the year. Others fill it with donations to causes the person cared about.
The boundary-setting ritual: Before gatherings, establish a family signal for “I need support” or “I need to leave.” This could be a hand gesture, a text message, or a code word. Having this pre-arranged removes the burden of explaining your emotional state in the moment and ensures someone will check on you or help you exit gracefully.
What doesn’t help (despite good intentions): Forced cheerfulness, pretending they never existed to “get through” the holiday, well-meaning relatives insisting “they’d want you to be happy” (grieving people know this but can’t always control their feelings), comparing your grief to others’ losses, or setting expectations that you’ll “feel better” by next year. Grief doesn’t follow a timeline, and the second or third holiday can sometimes feel harder than the first.
Resources and Further Reading
For those seeking further guidance, many books and online resources are available that focus on managing grief during holidays. These resources often provide deeper insights and extended coping mechanisms. Please check out our other article on Understanding Grief: Navigating the Complex Journey of Loss.
Coping with Grief During the Holidays
The holiday season can be especially challenging for those grieving, as it often brings reminders of shared memories and traditions. Acknowledging these feelings and setting realistic expectations can help ease the pressure. Give yourself permission to skip or modify traditions that feel overwhelming, and focus on activities that bring comfort. Whether it’s spending time with close friends, volunteering, or simply having a quiet evening, remember that it’s okay to celebrate differently this year.
Finding Community Support
Connecting with others who understand grief during the holidays can provide comfort and reduce feelings of isolation. What’s Your Grief offers workshops, articles, and online support specifically tailored for managing grief around the holiday season, providing coping strategies and ways to honor loved ones. Another helpful resource is The Dougy Center, which provides support for families and individuals coping with loss, including online resources and grief support programs that can be especially valuable during this time of year.
Navigating holiday seasons while grieving is a deeply personal experience. By adopting new coping strategies and adjusting expectations, it’s possible to find moments of peace and remembrance amidst the challenges. Remember, it’s about finding what works for you, and there’s no right or wrong way to grieve.
Helping a Friend or Relative Through the Holiday’s – Consider the Gift of HelpTexts
Looking to support someone in a time of loss? HelpTexts offers grief guidance and support and can be gifted to someone you know to help them through troubling times and has helped thousands experiencing loss. Also through our partnership with them, you gain a 10% discount on all their services. For a full list of grief resources visit our Grief Support and Grieving resources page for guides, grieving support and counseling services and help during a loved one’s time of need. One of our trusted partners, TalkSpace provides online therapy (aff) support at a reduced cost by licensed therapists and counselors. Plus they also accept a wide variety of insurance providers allowing you to get quality licensed-level grief support from the comfort of your own home.
Frequently Asked Questions About Managing Grief During Holidays
A: Absolutely yes. There’s no rule that says you must participate in holidays while grieving. If attending gatherings feels unbearable, give yourself permission to opt out this year. Many people find their first holiday without someone is too raw to handle traditional celebrations. You might spend the day quietly at home, take a trip somewhere different to avoid painful associations, volunteer at a shelter or hospital, or simply treat it like any other day.
What’s important is communicating your decision to family ahead of time so they’re not surprised or hurt. You might say: “I’m not ready for big gatherings this year, but I’d love to see you for coffee another day” or “This year I need to do things differently, and I hope you understand.” Skipping one year doesn’t mean you’ll never celebrate again. Many people return to traditions the following year once the shock of the first holiday has passed. Your grief, your rules.
A: These well-meaning but unhelpful comments come from others’ discomfort with grief, not from any actual understanding of what you need.
You don’t owe anyone strength or positivity. When someone says this, you have several options.
You can be direct: “I appreciate the sentiment, but what I actually need is permission to feel sad” or “Being authentic about my grief is stronger than pretending I’m fine.”
You can deflect: “I’m doing the best I can right now” and change the subject.
You can educate: “Grief experts actually say it’s healthier to feel your emotions than to suppress them.”
Or you can simply nod and ignore the advice entirely.
Remember that people who insist you “should” feel a certain way are usually projecting their own discomfort onto you. Your feelings are valid regardless of others’ opinions. Surround yourself during the holidays with people who let you grieve authentically rather than those who pressure you to perform happiness.
A: This is entirely your choice and there’s no right answer. Some people find comfort in maintaining familiar traditions like decorating because it provides structure and normalcy during chaos. Others find decorations painfully triggering, especially if they decorated together with the person who died.
Consider these questions: Will decorations bring you any comfort or only pain? If you skip decorations, will you regret it or feel relief? Would a scaled-down version work (maybe just a small tree or wreath instead of full decorations)? Could you decorate differently this year, creating new associations? Some people compromise by putting up a few meaningful items, a memorial display, or just lights without a full tree. Others ask friends to come help decorate so it feels less lonely. And some pack away decorations entirely, recognizing this isn’t the year. You can also wait and decide closer to the holidays rather than forcing an early decision. Give yourself permission to change your mind. If you put up decorations and they feel wrong, you can take them down. If you skip them and regret it, you can do a simple version anytime.
A: This common question becomes complicated when you’re grieving because people usually want to hear “I’m fine” even when you’re not. You have several response options depending on the situation and your energy level.
For acquaintances or people you don’t want to engage deeply with: “I’m hanging in there, thanks for asking” or “Some days are harder than others.” For people who genuinely care and can handle honesty: “Honestly, I’m struggling. The holidays are really hard without them” or “I’m having a tough time, but I’m doing my best.”
For family or close friends: “I need to be real with you, this is incredibly hard” followed by what you actually need (space, support, distraction, permission to leave early). You can also redirect: “I’d rather not talk about it right now, but I appreciate you asking.” Some grieving people prepare a standard response ahead of time so they don’t have to improvise while emotionally fragile. Remember you don’t owe anyone a detailed explanation of your grief, but being honest with safe people can actually reduce the burden of pretending you’re okay.
A: This decision is deeply personal and there’s no timeline for “should.” Some people keep stockings displayed exactly as they were because it feels wrong to erase visible signs of the person. Others find it too painful to see the empty stocking and put it away immediately. Many people fall somewhere in between.
Here are options that others have found helpful:
–Keep it and modify it by filling it with notes about things you wish you could tell them, or donations in their name.
–Display it in a different location, such as a memory shelf rather than hanging with others.
–Incorporate it into a memory box with other holiday items they loved.
–Pass it to family members who want to keep pieces of the person’s belongings.
–Wait to decide by storing it respectfully without forcing yourself to display or discard it. The same applies to ornaments they made, decorations they loved, or holiday clothes they wore.
You might feel differently next year than you do this year. Many people report that what felt unbearable the first year became meaningful comfort in later years. Don’t force permanent decisions during acute grief. Store items you’re unsure about and revisit the choice when you’re ready.
A: Yes, this is completely normal and one of the less-discussed aspects of holiday grief. Seeing others’ joy, festive social media posts, and cheerful holiday enthusiasm can trigger intense resentment and anger when you’re drowning in grief. You might think: “How can everyone else be happy when my world is shattered?” or feel frustrated that others seem to have forgotten your loss while you’re still devastated.
This anger doesn’t mean you’re a bad person or that you truly wish others unhappiness. It’s a natural response to the stark contrast between your internal experience and the external world’s expectations of holiday cheer. The holidays push relentless positivity when grief requires space for sadness. What helps: Acknowledge the anger without judgment. Journal about it, talk to a therapist or trusted friend who won’t shame you for the feeling, or join a grief support group where others share this experience. Limit exposure to triggering content by muting or unfollowing social media accounts that showcase “perfect” holidays. Give yourself permission to skip events where performative happiness is expected. Remember it’s temporary. These intense feelings often lessen after the holiday season passes. Practice self-compassion. You’re not broken for feeling anger alongside grief, you’re human.
A: This is a tender question that families handle differently based on their circumstances and what feels right.
For young children who were close to the deceased (like a grandparent or parent), some families continue giving gifts “from” them for a year or two during early grief to soften the transition. A note might say: “Grandma would have wanted you to have this” or “This is something Dad always wanted to give you.” This can provide comfort but also has potential complications. Some grief experts caution that it might confuse young children about death’s finality or delay the acceptance process. Others feel it honors the person’s relationship and provides tangible connection.
For older children and adults, consider whether gifts would bring comfort or prolong painful waiting for acknowledgment that won’t come. Many families shift to memory gifts: photo albums, jewelry made from the person’s belongings, donations to causes they cared about, or experiences they would have loved.
An alternative approach is acknowledging the absence while honoring the person: “I know Grandma would have loved picking your gift. I chose this because it reminded me of her.” Talk with family members about what feels right for your specific situation. Some families continue the tradition with full awareness it’s symbolic, while others find clean endings less painful. There’s no wrong choice, only what works for your family’s grief process.
A: There’s no standard timeline for grief, which is both frustrating and liberating. For most people, the intensity of holiday grief does gradually decrease, but it rarely disappears completely. Research suggests the first and second holidays are typically the hardest, with many people reporting the second year feels worse because the shock has worn off and the permanence sets in. By the third to fifth year, most people find holidays are manageable with occasional difficult moments rather than overwhelming throughout.
However, this varies dramatically based on: the relationship you had with the person, the circumstances of their death, your support system, other life stressors, and your general coping abilities. Some people find their fifth holiday harder than their third due to milestone events (the first grandchild who’ll never meet them, moves to new homes they’ll never see).
What typically changes over time isn’t that the sadness disappears, but that it becomes integrated rather than all-consuming. You might cry during dinner but also laugh at stories about them. You might miss them acutely but also feel gratitude for years together. The goal isn’t to “get over” their absence but to learn to carry the grief alongside other emotions. Many people report that decades later, holidays still trigger missing their loved one, but it’s different, softer, more bittersweet than agonizing. If holiday grief feels unbearable for many years without any softening, consider working with a grief therapist who specializes in complicated grief. Most people find that while holidays never feel the same as before the loss, they do eventually find ways to honor both the grief and the season.
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Author: Gabriel Killian
Founder, Memorial Merits U.S. Navy Service Member Gabriel created Memorial Merits after experiencing funeral industry complexities & exploitation firsthand when his father passed away unexpectedly in 2019. His mission: protect families from predatory practices and provide clear guidance during impossible times. [Read Full Story →] EXPERTISE: • Personal experience with loss • Funeral planning (multiple times) • AI grief support development • Published author (legacy planning)
Author
-
Founder, Memorial Merits
U.S. Navy Service MemberGabriel created Memorial Merits after experiencing funeral industry complexities and exploitation firsthand when his father passed away unexpectedly in 2019.
His mission: protect families from predatory practices and provide clear guidance during impossible times.EXPERTISE:
• Personal experience with loss
• Funeral planning (multiple times)
• AI grief support development
• Published author (legacy planning)
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